As of late, Beans has taken to peeing in the house on (in order of her preference) A) the most expensive carpet, B) an extremely inaccesable place, or C) where ever someone is most likely to step while wearing only socks.
We have tried changing her diet, letting her out more frequently, crating her, and have finally come to the last resort of diapering. Why, oh why, did I think that putting a diaper on a dog was going to be a simple matter? Where in my experience with dogs (or diapers, for that matter) have I found simplicity and ease? To save you time and angst, I have outlined my steps to get my dog to wear a diaper so that you can follow along, skip some, rearrange, or just completely ignore them and get used to wearing shoes and having no carpets:
1. Go to PetSomething and curse whoever it was who decided that 17.99 was a fair price for a pack of 10 disposable Doggy Diapers. Purchase diapers anyway.
2. Put diapers on dog, and watch helplessly as she shimmies out of them in under 30 seconds.
3. Go back to Petsomething and buy washable diaper covers, give cashier side-eye while you hand over 15 bucks for a box of 12 diaper liners which are clearly just maxi pads.
4. Put new diapers on dog, watch her roll on the floor until they come off.
5. Have a glass of wine (or 2).
6. Try diapers again, and feel wicked guilty about duct taping them closed.
7. Watch as she gets them off even with the tape.
8. Buy baby diapers even though you know they won’t work.
9. They don’t work.
10. Suddenly remember that she does not have a tail, curse your oversight.
11. Briefly wonder if they make suspenders for dogs.
12. Have an AWESOME idea.
13. Buy a harness and fasten diaper to harness with diaper pins.
14. Revel in your awesomeness.
See?? See how thrilled she is?